- Create some healthy space for yourself. – Sometimes you are just too close to the puzzle to see the big picture. You need to take a few steps back to gain clarity on the situation. The best way to do this is to simply take a short break – a breather – a vacation – and explore something else for a little while. Why? So you can return to where you started and see things with a new set of eyes. And the people there may see you differently too. Returning where you started is entirely different than never leaving.
- Accept the truth and practice being grateful for what is. – To let go is to be grateful for the experiences that made you laugh, made you cry, and helped you learn and grow. It’s the acceptance of everything you have, everything you once had, and the possibilities that lie ahead. It’s all about finding the strength to embrace life’s challenges and changes, to trust your intuition, to learn as you go, to realize that every experience has value, and to continue taking positive steps forward.
- Say less and breathe more when you’re angry. – Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret. True story. When you’re infuriated with someone, take a few deep breaths, sit quietly and think for a moment. Acknowledge the true source of your anger. Anger always bleeds from the inside out. Remember that we need to fix ourselves first before we attempt to fix or influence others. Trying to change others is a common recipe for prolonging the suffering. Taking responsibility for changing yourself, and how you deal with the actions of others, is a recipe for growth, freedom and happiness.
- Forgive with all your heart, as often as necessary. – Forgiveness is a constant attitude of choosing happiness over hurt – acceptance over resistance. It’s about acknowledging that we’re all mistaken sometimes; sometimes even the best of us do foolish things – things that have severe consequences. But it doesn’t mean we are evil and unforgivable, or that we can’t be trusted ever again. Know this. Sit with it. It might take time to forgive, because it takes strength to forgive. Because when you forgive, you love with all your might. And when you love like this, a heavenly, healing light shines upon you. This forgiveness – true forgiveness – brings you to a place where you can sincerely say, “Thank you for that experience,” and mean it with all your heart.
- Concentrate only on what can be changed. – Realize that not everything in life is meant to be modified or perfectly understood. Live, let go, learn what you can and don’t waste energy worrying about the things you can’t change. Focus exclusively on what you can change. And if you can’t change something that’s upsetting you, change the way you think about it. Review your options and then re-frame what you don’t like into a starting point for achieving something different in your life.
- Make the NOW your primary focus. – Now is the moment. The past is just a memory. The future is a mental projection. You can choose to dwell back in the past for learning and joyous reflection. You can choose to dwell in the future for visualization and practical planning. However, any time your awareness floats away to the past or future frequently for negative purposes, you are suffocating your ability to thrive in the only moment you ever have – the NOW. Past and future literally do not exist right now; feel the freedom in this truth.
- Embrace your quirks, your mistakes, and the fact that life is a lesson. – Life is a ride. Things change, people change, but you will always be YOU; so stay true to yourself and never sacrifice who you are for anyone or anything. You have to dare to be yourself, in this moment, however frightening or strange that self may prove to be. It’s about realizing that even on your weakest days you get a little bit stronger, if you’re willing to learn. Which is why, sometimes the greatest thing to come out of all your trouble and hard work isn’t what you get, but who you become.
- Nurture your self-worth. – Sometimes the hardest part of the journey is simply believing you’re worthy of the trip. And you are! You are worth it. Tattoo that right onto your brain… Seriously! The world starts to respond when you believe that about yourself. It doesn’t always look like you thought it would, but positive shifts begin to take place when you start to recognize and acknowledge your own self-worth. So watch your thoughts and stop any self-deprecating thoughts dead in their tracks. Remind yourself that once upon a time, in an unguarded, honest moment, you recognized yourself as a worthy friend.
- Pay less attention to people’s judgments. – Most people hasten to judge in a desperate attempt to not be judged themselves. In other words, their judgments are shallow and based on their own insecurities, and thus not worth worrying about. And honestly, no one has the right to judge you anyway. People may have heard your stories, and they may think they know you, but they can’t feel what you are going through; they aren’t living YOUR life. So forget what they think and say about you. Let it GO. Focus on how you feel about yourself, and keep walking the path that feels best under your feet.
- Do everything with a touch of kindness. – Three things in human life are important: the first is to be kind; the second is to be kind; and the third is… you guessed it… to be kind. Whatever can be done, can be done more effectively when you add kindness. Whatever words are spoken, will always be more compelling when expressed with kindness. The kind deeds you exert in just one moment can have a positive impact that lasts a lifetime. Your days will be brighter and your years fuller when you add kindness to your purpose. Choose to be kind every day, and you’re truly choosing to live in a world with less stress and more happiness.
- Savor life’s goodness. – Life is a bowl of fruit; some fruit are rotten while others are good for you. It’s your duty to sort through it, toss out the rotten ones and forget about them, while you enjoy eating the good ones. Don’t be confused by others who seem to be doing the exact opposite. Ultimately you will realize there are two kinds of people in this world: those who choose to disregard the good fruit and wallow in all the rotten ones, and those who, like you, choose to toss out the rotten ones and savor all the good ones.
Wednesday, October 8, 2014
11 Ways to Let Go and Feel Less Stress
7 Crazy Mistakes We Make in the Pursuit of Happiness
1. We view setbacks and growing pains as failures.
When we actively pursue happiness, anything that makes us feel unhappy can seem like a failure – such as a simple setback or challenging moment – when in reality these things are unavoidable, normal parts of personal growth. Sometimes it’s just easier to feel depressed and trapped by these experiences and let them get the best of us.
Think about a time in your life when you faced a challenge. Maybe you lost your job, were betrayed by a friend, or got rejected by a loved one. How did you respond to this? Did you feel like a victim, or did you embrace it as an opportunity to grow as a person and learn something valuable?
If you’re like most people (including myself), you probably struggled to have a positive attitude at the time, and the situation was probably incredibly hard to deal with.
And the truth is, challenges are never easy.
However, setbacks and challenging moments in life are also opportunities in disguise for something bigger and better. If we can learn to appreciate and embrace them equally to the moments that make us feel happy, we can more easily see the light in our darkest moments, push through these difficult times and make the most of every opportunity to heal and grow.
2. We get addicted to short-term, quick fixes of pleasure.
In our impatience to find happiness, we often seek pleasure instead because it’s easier to achieve in the short-term.
This can cause us to rely on pleasurable experiences in an unhealthy way. For example, we might actually find ourselves feeling anxious if we don’t have anything to look forward to, such as an exciting vacation in the near future.
But relying on pleasurable experiences as a means to happiness will only leave us always wanting more – much like a drug where we become an addict to our next fix. Because pleasure is short lived and offers no sense of deep fulfillment.
3. We neglect the amazing people around us.
Deliberately striving for happiness can also lead us to be self-centered – “I want happiness and I want it now!” – instead of achieving happiness over time through meaningful experiences and service to a greater cause.
In this case, where the focus is only on today’s must-have dose of happiness, we become more of a taker rather than a giver. We focus all of our attention on ourselves – me, me, me – so our immediate desires are more easily met, instead of considering new ways to make a rewarding, lasting difference in our lives and the lives around us. We prioritize our pursuit over all the people – family, friends and strangers – who need us.
The truth is, making a difference by giving to others is actually one of the greatest ways that we can find happiness. There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up. It gives us a greater sense of meaning, purpose and fulfillment and often makes us feel much more content with our lives and who we are as individuals.
Think about a time when you were looking forward to something. Maybe it was as simple as a nice walk on the beach with your partner, or perhaps a vacation you had been planning.
When the time finally came, did you find yourself getting completely lost in the experience and having a great time, or were you scatter-brained with expectations of how the experience was “supposed to be,” and thus subconsciously feeling somewhat disappointed?
Too often we become so determined to feel happy in a certain way, that we end up focusing too much on whether an experience is meeting our expectations.
But studies show that people who do certain activities with a specific set of expectations, or who monitor how much they are enjoying themselves every step of the way, end up actually enjoying themselves less than those who simply let go and focus on immersing themselves in the experience.
Rather than striving for happiness through the expectation of how things should be, try to accept whatever experiences come your way. That way, you’ll be able to appreciate and more easily notice all the positive things around you as opposed to feeling disappointed when things don’t measure up to fantasies.
5. We give up amazing opportunities that require temporary discomfort.
Think about a time in your life when you went through a tough but rewarding experience.
Perhaps you took on a challenging project. Do you remember feeling a great sense of anxiety telling you that you would fail, but you didn’t?
And as a result, not only did you achieve something amazing, you also opened up an array of new opportunities for yourself, became a little bit wiser, and gained a greater sense of self-confidence.
Well, it just shows us that if we want to discover new and interesting opportunities in life, it’s not possible to feel happy every moment along the way. A little discomfort is necessary medicine. As they say, opportunity is missed by most people simply because it’s dressed in overalls and looks like hard work. Don’t be one of these people.
6. We look for happiness in the wrong places.
A 24/7 obsession with finding happiness can cause us to focus on the wrong things, because we’re often poor judges of what will make us happy.
For example, we might think that buying a new house, being popular and having a certain amount of money will make us happy, so we strive relentlessly for them, but in reality, when we finally get these things, we still feel like something is missing.
It’s the old “I’ll be happy when I’ve got X” syndrome. Except when you get X, you realize it’s not everything you expected. It never is.
Does this sound familiar to you?
Perhaps it’s because we are constantly being sent messages from society and popular media telling us that X, Y & Z will make us happy. We hear, “If you’re slim you’ll be happy,” or, “If you have the latest technology you’ll be happy,” or, “If you’re rich or popular you’ll be happy.” And because we’re so obsessed with finding happiness, we buy into it.
The truth is, these things don’t lead to a deep sense of happiness, and we’re often poor judges by believing they will. True happiness comes from within yourself, not from something or someone else. Don’t make the mistake of waiting on something or someone to come along and make you happy.
7. We tie our happiness to the futile idea of perfection.
Oftentimes, when we strive for happiness, what we are really aiming for is to feel perfect.
But perfection is an illusion.
We are beautifully imperfect beings, operating in a very imperfect world, and that is just the way it’s meant to be. Striving for perfection is a hollow goal, one that can never be achieved.
Society shows us doctored images of perfection constantly in marketing and popular media. Do not buy into this illusion; it will only lead you into darkness. Embrace your quirks, your flaws and the fact that life is a roller coaster at times. Strive for excellence, have high standards… but never confuse that with the crippling behavior of perfectionism.
Rather than striving to be perfect, embrace and appreciate all the beautiful, natural imperfections of life, and use these things to grow stronger, wiser, and more whole as an individual.
The secret to a fulfilling life is wholeness, not happiness
Pursuing wholeness comes down to accepting and embracing all aspects of life – sadness, frustration, pain, failure and happiness, as well as realizing that all these things are equally as important for a balanced, fulfilling and truly happy experience.
It’s about understanding that life is not just a bowl of cherries, and that in order to grow and learn, we rely on the harsh realities of life.
In fact, even though it’s hard, we need to be grateful for these things.
Rather than trying to hide from adversities, we need to embrace them…
Because we know that they will make us stronger, more passionate, motivated, versatile, confident, resilient, capable and ultimately more whole as individuals – as well as adding more meaning and deeper fulfillment to our lives.
In order to get the most out of your pursuit for wholeness, the following are some key things to do in your daily life:
When you choose to actively seek wholeness, your life will feel much more fulfilling.
You will feel more satisfied and happy with your life, because rather than feeling burdened by life’s challenges, you will be on a constant journey of growth and discovery. Everything, good or bad, will move you forward.
Instead of feeling like a victim in life, you will be able to appreciate and value everything that comes your way. After all, you’re not a victim. You’re a strong human being. You have an interesting life, and it is magnificent. Keep this in mind, and live it accordingly.
And while you’re out there doing your thing, you will also learn to love, accept and understand yourself better as you learn to overcome the brokenness inside you.
I challenge you to choose wholeness from today onward.
The next time you feel sad or disappointed, don’t try to shut it out or distract yourself from it. Instead, accept it as who you are, be okay with it and allow it to add new layers of understanding and awareness to your life.
When we actively pursue happiness, anything that makes us feel unhappy can seem like a failure – such as a simple setback or challenging moment – when in reality these things are unavoidable, normal parts of personal growth. Sometimes it’s just easier to feel depressed and trapped by these experiences and let them get the best of us.
Think about a time in your life when you faced a challenge. Maybe you lost your job, were betrayed by a friend, or got rejected by a loved one. How did you respond to this? Did you feel like a victim, or did you embrace it as an opportunity to grow as a person and learn something valuable?
If you’re like most people (including myself), you probably struggled to have a positive attitude at the time, and the situation was probably incredibly hard to deal with.
And the truth is, challenges are never easy.
However, setbacks and challenging moments in life are also opportunities in disguise for something bigger and better. If we can learn to appreciate and embrace them equally to the moments that make us feel happy, we can more easily see the light in our darkest moments, push through these difficult times and make the most of every opportunity to heal and grow.
2. We get addicted to short-term, quick fixes of pleasure.
In our impatience to find happiness, we often seek pleasure instead because it’s easier to achieve in the short-term.
This can cause us to rely on pleasurable experiences in an unhealthy way. For example, we might actually find ourselves feeling anxious if we don’t have anything to look forward to, such as an exciting vacation in the near future.
But relying on pleasurable experiences as a means to happiness will only leave us always wanting more – much like a drug where we become an addict to our next fix. Because pleasure is short lived and offers no sense of deep fulfillment.
“The pleasure-centered person, too soon bored with each succeeding level of “fun”, constantly cries for more and more. So the next new pleasure has to be bigger and better, more exciting, with a bigger “high.”Long-lasting happiness is not found in quick doses of pleasure, but rather through meaningful experiences over time, such as nurturing a passion, overcoming hardships, learning new life skills, and making a difference by enriching the lives of others.
―Steven Covey
3. We neglect the amazing people around us.
Deliberately striving for happiness can also lead us to be self-centered – “I want happiness and I want it now!” – instead of achieving happiness over time through meaningful experiences and service to a greater cause.
In this case, where the focus is only on today’s must-have dose of happiness, we become more of a taker rather than a giver. We focus all of our attention on ourselves – me, me, me – so our immediate desires are more easily met, instead of considering new ways to make a rewarding, lasting difference in our lives and the lives around us. We prioritize our pursuit over all the people – family, friends and strangers – who need us.
The truth is, making a difference by giving to others is actually one of the greatest ways that we can find happiness. There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up. It gives us a greater sense of meaning, purpose and fulfillment and often makes us feel much more content with our lives and who we are as individuals.
“If you want happiness for an hour – take a nap. If you want happiness for a day – go fishing. If you want happiness for a month – get married. If you want happiness for a year – inherit a fortune. If you want happiness for a lifetime – help others.”4. We let our expectations sap the joy out of genuine experiences.
―Chinese proverb
Think about a time when you were looking forward to something. Maybe it was as simple as a nice walk on the beach with your partner, or perhaps a vacation you had been planning.
When the time finally came, did you find yourself getting completely lost in the experience and having a great time, or were you scatter-brained with expectations of how the experience was “supposed to be,” and thus subconsciously feeling somewhat disappointed?
Too often we become so determined to feel happy in a certain way, that we end up focusing too much on whether an experience is meeting our expectations.
But studies show that people who do certain activities with a specific set of expectations, or who monitor how much they are enjoying themselves every step of the way, end up actually enjoying themselves less than those who simply let go and focus on immersing themselves in the experience.
Rather than striving for happiness through the expectation of how things should be, try to accept whatever experiences come your way. That way, you’ll be able to appreciate and more easily notice all the positive things around you as opposed to feeling disappointed when things don’t measure up to fantasies.
5. We give up amazing opportunities that require temporary discomfort.
Think about a time in your life when you went through a tough but rewarding experience.
Perhaps you took on a challenging project. Do you remember feeling a great sense of anxiety telling you that you would fail, but you didn’t?
And as a result, not only did you achieve something amazing, you also opened up an array of new opportunities for yourself, became a little bit wiser, and gained a greater sense of self-confidence.
Well, it just shows us that if we want to discover new and interesting opportunities in life, it’s not possible to feel happy every moment along the way. A little discomfort is necessary medicine. As they say, opportunity is missed by most people simply because it’s dressed in overalls and looks like hard work. Don’t be one of these people.
6. We look for happiness in the wrong places.
A 24/7 obsession with finding happiness can cause us to focus on the wrong things, because we’re often poor judges of what will make us happy.
For example, we might think that buying a new house, being popular and having a certain amount of money will make us happy, so we strive relentlessly for them, but in reality, when we finally get these things, we still feel like something is missing.
It’s the old “I’ll be happy when I’ve got X” syndrome. Except when you get X, you realize it’s not everything you expected. It never is.
Does this sound familiar to you?
Perhaps it’s because we are constantly being sent messages from society and popular media telling us that X, Y & Z will make us happy. We hear, “If you’re slim you’ll be happy,” or, “If you have the latest technology you’ll be happy,” or, “If you’re rich or popular you’ll be happy.” And because we’re so obsessed with finding happiness, we buy into it.
The truth is, these things don’t lead to a deep sense of happiness, and we’re often poor judges by believing they will. True happiness comes from within yourself, not from something or someone else. Don’t make the mistake of waiting on something or someone to come along and make you happy.
7. We tie our happiness to the futile idea of perfection.
Oftentimes, when we strive for happiness, what we are really aiming for is to feel perfect.
But perfection is an illusion.
We are beautifully imperfect beings, operating in a very imperfect world, and that is just the way it’s meant to be. Striving for perfection is a hollow goal, one that can never be achieved.
Society shows us doctored images of perfection constantly in marketing and popular media. Do not buy into this illusion; it will only lead you into darkness. Embrace your quirks, your flaws and the fact that life is a roller coaster at times. Strive for excellence, have high standards… but never confuse that with the crippling behavior of perfectionism.
Rather than striving to be perfect, embrace and appreciate all the beautiful, natural imperfections of life, and use these things to grow stronger, wiser, and more whole as an individual.
The secret to a fulfilling life is wholeness, not happiness
Pursuing wholeness comes down to accepting and embracing all aspects of life – sadness, frustration, pain, failure and happiness, as well as realizing that all these things are equally as important for a balanced, fulfilling and truly happy experience.
It’s about understanding that life is not just a bowl of cherries, and that in order to grow and learn, we rely on the harsh realities of life.
In fact, even though it’s hard, we need to be grateful for these things.
Rather than trying to hide from adversities, we need to embrace them…
Because we know that they will make us stronger, more passionate, motivated, versatile, confident, resilient, capable and ultimately more whole as individuals – as well as adding more meaning and deeper fulfillment to our lives.
“Everyone says we grow through pain and as soon as they experience it they say, ‘Quick! Move on! Cheer up!’ Wholeness is what we ought to be striving for and part of that is sadness, disappointment, frustration, failure; all those things which make us who we are.”How to strive for wholeness
―Hugh Mackay
In order to get the most out of your pursuit for wholeness, the following are some key things to do in your daily life:
- Embrace rather than avoid life’s adversities. Laugh at your mistakes and learn from them. Joke about your troubles and gather strength from them. Have fun with the challenges you face and then conquer them.
- Rather than shutting out or suppressing negative emotions, allow yourself to really feel them, so you can deal with them. Take full, unhindered control of your emotions, so your emotions do not control you behind your back.
- Find peace with yourself and your past. Rather than remaining angry or hurt throughout your life, choose to forgive yourself and others, and try to actually appreciate the experiences for what they have taught you.
- Proactively identify knowledge gaps in your life experience and take steps to fill them, even if it requires you to stretch your comfort zone.
- Shift some of your attention away from what you want, and refocus it on what others need.
When you choose to actively seek wholeness, your life will feel much more fulfilling.
You will feel more satisfied and happy with your life, because rather than feeling burdened by life’s challenges, you will be on a constant journey of growth and discovery. Everything, good or bad, will move you forward.
Instead of feeling like a victim in life, you will be able to appreciate and value everything that comes your way. After all, you’re not a victim. You’re a strong human being. You have an interesting life, and it is magnificent. Keep this in mind, and live it accordingly.
And while you’re out there doing your thing, you will also learn to love, accept and understand yourself better as you learn to overcome the brokenness inside you.
I challenge you to choose wholeness from today onward.
The next time you feel sad or disappointed, don’t try to shut it out or distract yourself from it. Instead, accept it as who you are, be okay with it and allow it to add new layers of understanding and awareness to your life.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)