20 Things Life is Too Short Not to Appreciate

1. A peaceful, mindful present. – The best way to prepare for the future is to take care of the present.  Goodbyes will always hurt a little.  Photographs can never replace the act of being there.  Memories, good and bad, will sometimes bring tears.  And words can never perfectly describe the feelings they represent.  But that’s OK.  Pain is real.  But so is hope.  You have to make peace with your past in order to keep your present and future from becoming hopeless battles.
2. The good in everything. – The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.  Train your mind to see the good in everything.  Life is full of beauty.  Notice it.  Notice the breeze through the trees, the small child learning to walk, and the smiling faces.  Smell the rain, and feel the sun on your skin.  Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for the beauty of each precious moment.
3. Life’s surprises. – Notice and cherish life’s surprises.  Just because it’s not what you were expecting, doesn’t mean it’s not everything you’ve been waiting for.  So take a deep breath when you’re rejected from something good.  It often means you’re being redirected to something better.  Be patient.  Be positive.  Keep going.
4. The challenges that strengthen you. – Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in life.  If we were to go through our life without any obstacles, we would be crippled.  We would not be as strong as what we could have been otherwise.  So give every opportunity a chance – leave no room for regrets.  It takes courage to change and grow and become who you really are.  Your struggle is part of your story.  And it’s a story worth writing.
5. Being YOU. – You’re an original, an individual, a masterpiece.  Celebrate it!  Don’t let your uniqueness make you shy.  Don’t be someone other than the wonder you are.  Everyone has their own dreams, their own struggles, and a different path that makes sense for them.  You are YOU for a reason.  Own it.
6. The gifts that are only yours. – Even when the competition seems fierce, realize that you are only ever competing against yourself.  When you catch yourself comparing yourself to a colleague, neighbor, friend, or famous personality, stop!  There’s no need.  You are different, with different strengths – strengths these other people don’t possess.  Take a moment to reflect on all the astounding abilities you have and to be grateful for the gifts that are only yours.
7. Ideas and activities that excite you. – Never give up on something that you can’t go a day without thinking about.  When you truly believe in what you’re doing, it shows, and it pays.  Success in life is for those who are excited about where they’re going.  So find something that you love – something that gets you so excited you can’t wait to get out of bed in the morning.  That’s what life is all about.  You deserve to be happy.  You deserve to live a life you are excited about.  Don’t let anyone or anything make you forget that.
8. The simple things. – It’s the simple things in life that are the most extraordinary.  I believe this to be true and have experienced this with my own family.  When I think of the times where we laughed the most or had the most fun, it was when we were doing simple, everyday things like swimming in a pool, taking a long walk, combing a beach for shells, playing a board game, or sharing a delicious meal.
9. The excitement and freedom of vulnerability. – Being vulnerable is helpful to both ourselves and others.  It makes us bigger in the world – the more open we are, the more there is of us out there.  So open up.  Allow yourself to feel, to be real and authentic.  Tear down any emotional brick walls you have built around yourself and feel every exquisite emotion, both good and bad.  This is life.  This is how you welcome new opportunities.
10. Inner beauty. – As if you were on fire from within, your magnificence lives in the lining of your skin.  In other words, beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart and soul.  Everything will line up perfectly when knowing and living the truth of who you are on the inside becomes more important than looking good on the outside. 
11. Giving without expecting anything in return. – As a child, I always thought the expression, “It’s better to give than to receive” was trite and silly.  As an adult, I recognize the expression’s value.  Having the capacity to give means you possess a mindset of abundance.  Having the will to give means you want to make a difference in the world.  Having the desire to give means you care.  And nothing is more powerful than that.
12. The feeling of doing the right thing. – There is plenty of good in this world and it’s worth paying attention to and fighting for.  So always seek and do what is right, not what is easy.  BE the change you want to see.
13. The act of loving. – Love is a lifestyle.  Let love win.  Love fearlessly and without limits.  No act of love or kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.  Love never loses in the long run.  Where you invest your love, you invest your life.
14. Everyone around you for being who they are. – If you judge people, you have no time to love them.  So pay close attention, and respect people for who they are and not for who you want them to be.  Loving and respecting others means allowing them to be themselves, whether you choose to be a part of their life or not.
15. The whole truth. – It’s better to be hurt by the truth and grow from it, than be comforted by a lie.  And beware of half-truths too – you may have gotten ahold of the wrong half.  Open your eyes.  You must see things how they are instead of how you hoped, wished or expected them to be.  Sometimes it’s hard to accept the truth when the lies were exactly what you wanted to know, but be strong.  Life is too short to live a lie.
16. Your self-respect. – It’s always better to be alone with dignity than in a relationship that constantly requires you to sacrifice your happiness and self-respect.  When you let someone repeatedly hurt you, you are saying to them, “You matter more to me than my own self-respect and dignity.”  You must take a stand and be willing to part ways with people whom you know you’ve given numerous chances to.  Though letting go can cause lots of initial pain, it may be necessary medicine, providing you with the best possible life in the long run.
17. The dualities of life. – Experience life in all possible ways – the good and the bad, the bitter and the sweet, the dark and the light, the summer and the winter.  Experience all of life’s dualities.  Don’t be afraid of experience, because the more experience you have, the more life you truly live, and the more clearly you understand just how beautiful it is.
18. The balance between feeling good and growing. – We must consistently check with ourselves: “Am I committed to feeling good right now, or am I committed to growing?”  Either way is fine for the moment, as long as you dance between the two in the long run.  Because growth does not always feel good, and feeling good does not always provide growth.  And both are necessary states of being.
19. A healthy body. – Your health IS your life.  Never underestimate the gift of feeling strong and well.  It’s the greatest wealth you will ever own.  It’s the foundation for every chance at happiness and success life has to offer.  So cut the excuses and treat yourself right!  Take care of your body every single day – it’s the engine of your desires, and the only place you will ever truly live.
20. Aging. – Manage aging, but why fight it?  You can spend a fortune on face creams, plastic surgery, hair growth formulas, and Botox, but eventually you realize you are fighting an uphill battle.  Groom yourself nicely.  Stay fit.  Have unhealthy things removed.  But accept the beauty of aging.  A striking, mature man or woman is much more attractive than someone who looks overly taunt, tanned or top-heavy.  Remember, the allure of a truly beautiful person, with passing years only grows.

18 Ways You’re Making Your Life Harder Than It Has To Be

1. You look to everyone else for the answers only you can give yourself. – For much of our lives – especially at the beginning – we get told what do, how to think, what looks good, what “success” is, etc.  You don’t have to buy into any of it anymore.  Feel free to peel back the layers.  Think for yourself.  Listen to your Self.  Break the mold.  When you stop doing what everybody else wants you to do and start following your own intuition, you will find exactly what you are looking for.
2. You let others make you feel guilty for living your life. – As long as you’re not hurting anyone else, keep living your life YOUR way.  Sometimes we get lost in trying to live for someone else, trying to meet their expectations, and doing things just to impress them.  Take a moment and think about it.  Are you doing things because you truly believe in them?  Remember your own goals.  Live, do and love so that you are happy, because when it comes down to it, relationships can end in an instant, but you will live with yourself for the rest of your life.
3. You allow toxic people to get the best of you. – You don’t ever have to feel guilty about removing toxic people from your life.  It doesn’t matter whether someone is a relative, romantic interest, colleague, childhood friend or a new acquaintance.  You don’t have to make room for people who cause you pain or make you feel small.  It’s one thing if a person owns up to their behavior and makes an effort to change.  But if a person disregards your feelings, ignores your boundaries and continues to treat you in a harmful way, they need to go. 
4. You are part of the drama circle. – How would your life be different if you walked away from drama, gossip and verbal defamation?  Let today be the day you speak only about the good you know of other people and encourage others to do the same.  Those that refuse to support you CAN be ignored by you.  It’s as simple as that.  Incredible things happen when you distance yourself from negativity and those who create it.  Don’t get caught up in drama.  Just walk on by.
5. You assign negative intent to other people’s actions. – Another driver cut you off in traffic.  Your friend never texted you back.  Your colleague went to lunch without you.  Everyone can find a reason to be offended on a daily basis.  So what caused you to be offended?  You assigned negative intent to these otherwise innocent actions.  You took it as a personal insult – a slap in the face.  Don’t do this to yourself.  Don’t take things personally.  Don’t assign negative intent to the unintentional actions of others.  Let today be the day you look for the good in everyone you meet.
6. You are too worried that people will steal what you have. – Let this be your wake-up call, especially if you’re an artist, writer, entrepreneur or creative type: There is always more to be gained from sharing knowledge than from hoarding it.  Don’t worry about people stealing your work; worry about the moment they stop.  Be honest, helpful and undeniably good at what you do.  No clever marketing scheme, social media buzzword, or competitor can be a substitute for that, ever.  Whenever people want what you have, regardless of the circumstances, you’re doing it right.
7. You’re trying to compete with everyone else. – If you compete with everyone else, you will become bitter.  If you compete with a previous version of yourself, you will become better.  It’s as simple as that.
8. You have been too much of a taker. – One way to deal with stress and loss is to immerse yourself in doing good for others.  Volunteer.  Get involved in life.  It doesn’t even have to be a big, structured event.  Say a kind word.  Encourage someone nearby.  Pay a visit to someone who is alone.  Get away from your self-preoccupation for a while.  When it comes down to it, there are two types of people in this world.  There are givers and there are takers.  Givers are happy.  Takers are still unhappily wondering what’s in it for them.
9. You focus on popularity over effectiveness. – Seek respect, not attention.  It lasts longer and it’s far more useful in the end.  Do things and build things that make a lasting difference.  And above all, never confuse popularity with effectiveness.  Being popular means you’re liked for a while.  Being effective means you’ve made a difference.
10. You keep cutting corners and taking the easy way out. – Do what is right, not what is easy.  And do the right thing even if no one else will ever know.  Why?  Because YOU will know.
11. You focus on every point in time other than now. – You can’t change yesterday, but you can ruin today by worrying about tomorrow.  Be present.  Tomorrow will reveal itself exactly as it should, just as yesterday already has.
12. You are stuck on your mistakes. – It’s important that we forgive ourselves for making mistakes.  We need to learn from our errors and move forward.  Make a pact with yourself today to not be defined by your past.  Sometimes the greatest thing to come out of all your hard work isn’t what you get for it, but what you learn from it.  A happy, successful life, after all, is not a life absent of problems, but one that’s been able to rise above them. 
13. You have an “all or nothing” mentality. – There’s no such thing as perfect success, just as there’s no such thing as perfect failure.  This is why labeling things in extremes – all or nothing – success or failure – is an exercise in futility.  What does exist, however, is a continuous series of imperfect moments filled with infinite possibilities and opportunities.  Appreciate the grey area between the extremes – the journey – the experiences.  And above all, never let success get to your head or failure get to your heart.
14. You expect life to always be happy. – The world can be a difficult place.  You may experience suffering, heartbreak and loss.  These circumstances can take a toll on your happiness, but do not lose hope.  Think about the Yin and Yang in Chinese philosophy, which states that opposite forces are often interconnected.  In suffering, you can find great strength, in heartbreak you can find resilience, and in loss you can find a renewed appreciation for life.  Life is always Yin and Yang.  Opposites are interdependent and interconnected.  You can’t completely shield yourself from sadness without also shielding yourself from happiness.
15. You keep thinking about worst-case scenarios. - Sometimes your mind unnecessarily wrestles with events that aren’t even remotely likely.  Your sore throat is life threatening.  Your lost driver’s license fell into the hands of a miscreant looking to steal your identity.  Negativity like this only breeds more negativity.  It’s a happiness riptide.  It will carry you away from shore, and if you don’t swim away it will pull you under.  The bottom line is that you can see the world through a lens of doubt and despair or hope and excitement.  It’s your choice.  Either way, you will someday arrive at the same destination.  The only question is: Do you want to arrive with a frown or a smile?
16. You’re letting loss devour you. – Sometimes you have to work at happiness.  Some hurdles in life are too difficult to clear simply by adopting a positive mindset.  Do you need to forgive someone?  Do you need to let go of a failed relationship?  Do you need to come to terms with the death of a loved one?  Life is full of loss.  But, in a sense, true happiness would not be possible without it.  It helps us appreciate the good times.  It helps us grow.  If you’re struggling to see the light, you’re not alone.  Find someone who understands and talk to them.  Reach out for support.  Don’t let loss devour you. 
17. You avoid facing the truth. – The truth does not cease to exist when it is ignored.  You cannot find peace by avoiding things.  You have to feel it to heal it.  Bring your fears and weaknesses front and center and shine a blazing spotlight on them.  Because the only way out is through.  The pain of facing the truth is SO worth it in the long run, I swear.
18. You put off making decisions. – Bad decisions are almost always better than no decisions at all.  Indecisiveness just delays, while bad decisions teach us to yield better ones.  In the end, we most often regret the chances we didn’t take, the relationships we were afraid to have, and the decisions we waited too long to make.

10 Toxic Relationships Mentally Strong People Avoid

1.  Relationships run by one person.

A relationship is toxic when one person is running it.  Period.

When you feel out of control or a little lost it can be tempting to look for someone willing to take charge of your life for you, just to alleviate the pressure.  But before you do consider this: If you put a collar around your own neck and hand the leash to someone else, you’ll have no say about where they lead you in life.

We should never feel powerless or trapped in a relationship.  In fact, if either person feels powerless or trapped, the relationship doesn’t really exist.  Because that’s what relationships are all about: freedom.

Yes, healthy relationships are built on a solid foundation of free will and teamwork.  And since relationships are one of the greatest vehicles of personal growth and happiness, the most important trip you will ever take in life is meeting someone else halfway.  You will achieve far more by working with them, rather than working against them or trying to control them.  It really is a full circle.  The strength of a relationship depends on the individual strength of its two members, and the strength of each member in the long run depends on the quality of the relationship.

2.  Relationships that are supposed to “complete” you.

Our culture, which is predicated on fantasies of romantic love, often suggests that once you meet “The One,” you will be lifted out of your misery or boredom and elevated into a state of perpetual wholeness and bliss.

So, it’s easy to believe that it’s your partner’s job to make you feel joyful and whole.  But the truth is, while a healthy relationship can certainly bring joy, it’s not your partner’s job to fill in your empty voids.  That’s your job and yours alone, and until you accept full responsibility for your emptiness, pain, or boredom, problems will inevitably ensue in the relationship.

The longing for completion that you feel inside comes from being out of touch with who you are.  Nobody else in this world can make you happy.  It’s something you have to do on your own.  And you have to create your own happiness first before you can share it with someone else.

3.  Relationships that rely on codependency.

When your actions and thoughts revolve around another person to the complete disregard of your own needs, that’s codependency, and it’s toxic.  When you set a precedent that someone else is responsible for how you feel at all times (and vice versa), then you both will develop codependent tendencies.  Suddenly, neither one of you is allowed to plan something without getting approval.  All activities – even the mundane things such as watching a TV program – must be negotiated and compromised.  When someone begins to get upset, all personal needs go out the window because it’s now your responsibility to make one another feel better.

The biggest problem of developing these codependent tendencies is that they breed resentment.  Sure, if Angel gets mad at me once because she’s had a crappy day and is aggravated and needs attention, that’s understandable.  But if it becomes an expectation that my life revolves around her emotional well-being 24/7, then I’m eventually going to become very bitter towards her feelings and desires.

As Jim Rohn once said, “The greatest gift you can give somebody is your own personal development.  I used to say, ‘If you will take care of me, I will take care of you.  “Now I say, I will take care of me for you, if you will take care of you for me.’”

In other words, take responsibility for your own emotions and expect your partner and friends to be responsible for theirs.  There’s a subtle yet important difference between being supportive and being obligated at all times.  Any sacrifices for others should be made as a self-directed choice and not seen as an obligation.

4.  Relationships based on idealistic expectations.

You don’t love and appreciate someone because they’re perfect, you love and appreciate them in spite of the fact that they are not.  “Perfection” is a deadly fantasy – something none of us will ever be.  So beware of your tendency to “fix” someone when they’re NOT broken.  They are perfectly imperfect, just the way they should be.

Truthfully, the less you expect from someone you care about, the happier your relationship with them will be.  No one in your life will act exactly as you hope or expect them to, ever.  They are not YOU – they will not love, give, understand or respond like you do.

The biggest disappointments in life and in relationships are the result of misplaced expectations.  Tempering unrealistic expectations of how something or someone “should be” will greatly reduce unnecessary frustration and suffering.

Bottom line: Any relationship that’s real will not be perfect, but if you’re willing to work at it and open up, it could be everything you’ve ever dreamed of.

5.  Relationships where past blame is used to justify present righteousness.

When someone you’re in a relationship with continues to blame you for your past mistakes, your relationship is toxic.  If both people in the relationship do this it becomes a hopeless battle to see who has screwed up the most over the years, and therefore who owes the other one more of an apology.

When you use someone else’s past wrongdoings in order to try and justify your own present righteousness, it’s a lose-lose situation.  Not only are you dodging the current (valid) issue itself, but you’re digging up guilt and bitterness from the past to manipulate the other person into feeling wrong in the present.

If this goes on long enough, both people in the relationship eventually spend most of their energy trying to prove that they’re less guilty than the other rather than solving the present problem.  They spend all of their time trying to be less wrong for each other instead of being more right for each other.

You must recognize that by choosing to be in a relationship with someone, you are choosing to be with all of their prior mistakes.  If you don’t accept those mistakes, then ultimately, you do not accept them.  If something bothered you that much in the past, you should have dealt with it then.  It’s time to let bygones be bygones. 

6.  Relationships built on daily lies.

Trust is the foundation of a healthy relationship, and when trust is broken it takes time and willingness on the part of both people to repair it and heal.  All too often, I’ll hear a coaching client say something like, “I didn’t tell him but I didn’t lie about it, either.”  This statement is a contradiction, as omissions are lies too.  If you’re covering up your tracks in any way, it’s only a matter of time before the truth is revealed and trust in the relationship is broken.

Remember, an honest adversary is always better than a friend or lover who lies.  Pay less attention to what people say, and more attention to what they do.  Their actions will show you the truth in the long run.

If you catch someone you care about lying to you, speak up.  Some people will lie to you repeatedly in a vicious effort to get you to repeat their lies over and over until they effectively become true.  Don’t partake in their nonsense.  Don’t let their lies be your reality.  Don’t be afraid to stand up for the truth – YOUR truth.  Forgiveness and reconciliation can’t begin until this truth is told.

7.  Relationships that lack forgiveness and the willingness to rebuild trust.

Failing to understand that broken trust CAN be repaired leads to a grim future.

When trust is broken, which happens in nearly every long-term relationship at some point, it’s essential to understand that it can be repaired, provided both people are willing to do the hard work of self-growth.

In fact, it’s at this time, when it feels like the solid bedrock of your relationship has crumbled into dust, that you’re being given an opportunity to shed the patterns and dynamics with each other that haven’t been serving you.  It’s painful work and a painful time, and the impulse will be to leave, especially if you believe that broken trust cannot be repaired.  But if you understand that trust levels rise and fall over the course of a lifetime you’ll be more likely to find the strength to hang in, hang on, and grow together.

8.  Relationships in which passive aggression trumps communication.

Passive aggressive behavior takes many forms but can generally be described as a non-verbal aggression that manifests in negative behavior.  Instead of openly expressing how they feel, someone makes subtle, annoying gestures directed at you.  Instead of saying what’s actually upsetting you, you find small and petty ways to take jabs at someone until they pay attention and get upset.

This is obviously a toxic relationship situation.  It shows that you two are not comfortable communicating openly and clearly with one another.  A person has no reason to be passive-aggressive if they feel safe expressing any worries or insecurities within the relationship.  A person will never feel a need to hide behind passive aggression if they feel like they won’t be judged or criticized for what they are thinking.

In healthy relationships, feelings and desires are shared openly.  Make it clear that the other person is not necessarily responsible or obligated to your ideas and opinions, but that you’d love to have their support.  If they care about you, they will likely give it, or at least compromise in some way.

9.  Relationships governed by emotional blackmail.

Emotional blackmail is when someone applies an emotional penalty against you when you don’t do exactly what they want.  The key condition here is that you change your behavior, against your will, as a result of the emotional blackmail.  In other words, absent the emotional blackmail you would do differently, but you fear the penalty so you give in.  This is extremely toxic behavior.

The solution, as with passive aggression, is simply better communication.  There should never be a penalty, just an honest conversation.  It’s crucial for both people in a relationship to know that negative thoughts and feelings can be communicated safely to one another without there being penalties and harsh repercussions.  Otherwise people will suppress their true thoughts and feelings which leads to an environment of distrust and manipulation.

Perhaps there’s something that really bothers you about your friend or lover.  Why aren’t you saying something?  Are you afraid they’ll get upset?  Maybe they will and maybe they won’t.  Either way you need to deal with it upfront, constructively, and avoid burying it until it worsens, festers and explodes out of you.

Remember, it’s fine to get upset at someone you care about or to not like something about them.  That’s called being an imperfect human being.  Understand that committing to a person and always liking a person’s choices is not the same thing.  One can be committed to someone and not like everything about them.  On the contrary, two people who are capable of communicating sincere criticism towards one another without judgment or emotional blackmail will strengthen their commitment to one another in the long run. 

10.  Relationships that are always put on the back burner.

Failing to carve out quality time for important relationships is one of the most toxic relationship mistakes of them all, and yet it often goes unnoticed… at least for a while… until everything starts falling apart.

The truth is, relationships are like any other living entity: they require dedicated time in order to survive and thrive.  It’s easy to allow life to take over, especially when you have young children, work, and a body that needs nourishing food and exercise.  But your relationship with someone is a body as well, and if it’s not watered with quality time every week, it will start to wither.  Make time every week to focus only on those you care about, and time every day to pour even just a few minutes of quality interaction into your closest relationships.

Nothing you can give is more appreciated than your sincere, focused attention – your full presence.  Being with someone, listening without a clock and without anticipation of the next event is the ultimate compliment.  It is indeed the most valued gesture you can make to another human being.

40 Things We Forget To Thank Our Best Friends For

1. “Thank you for making so many ordinary moments, extraordinary.” – Yes, sometimes the most ordinary things can be made extraordinary, just by doing them with the right people.
2. “Thank you for always giving me the extra push I need.” – A best friend is someone who will inspire you to be who you always knew you could be.  Keep this in mind.  Anyone who helps you make your half-hearted attempts more whole-hearted through kindness, commitment and teamwork, is a keeper.
3. “Thank you for telling me the truth.” – Remember, being honest might not always get you a lot of friends, but it will always get you the right ones.  Too many of us prefer gentle lies to hard truths.  But make no mistake, in the end it’s better to be hurt by the truth than comforted by a lie.  Best friends tell each other the truth, always.
4. “Thank you for talking things out with me.” – Lots of problems in the world would disappear if we talked to each other instead of about each other.  So always communicate clearly with those closest to you, even when it’s uncomfortable and uneasy.
5. “Thank you for meeting me halfway.” – Best friends ultimately meet in the middle.  When there’s a disagreement, they work out a solution that works for both parties – a compromise, rather than a need for the other person to change or completely give in.
6. “Thank you for not getting in the way of the other important parts of my life.” – A healthy relationship will never require you to sacrifice your happiness, your other important relationships, your dreams, or your dignity.
7. “Thank you for being compassionate.” – Let their kindness and compassion remind you to pay it forward.  Always give those around you the “break” that you hope the world will give you on your own “bad day” and you will never, ever regret it.
8. “Thank you for thinking of me as often as you do.” – Make little gestures daily to show your best friends you care.  Knowing that a person you often think of has you on their mind too means a lot.
9. “Thank you for the compliments.” – It’s nice to be complimented, isn’t it?  Do not miss a chance – not one single, tiny opportunity – to tell someone you care about how wonderful they are and how beautiful they are, inside and out.
10. “Thank you for making time for me.” – When you are important to another person, they will always find a way to make time for you – no excuses, no lies, and no broken promises.
11.  “Thank you for your full presence.” – The best gift you can give someone you care about is the purity of your full attention.  That’s what best friends do for each other every time they’re together.
12. “Thank you for knowing when something is wrong with me.” – An incredible thing happens when we pay close attention to each other.  We help each other heal, sometimes before we even hurt.  A person who truly knows and loves you – a best friend – is someone who sees the pain in your eyes while everyone else still believes the smile on your face.
13. “Thank you for making the extra effort to understand me.” – It’s much easier to judge people than it is to understand them; understanding takes extra kindness and patience.  And this “extra” is always worth it.
14. “Thank you for not acting, judging, or treating me like you know me better than I know myself.” – Nuff said.
15. “Thank you for being willing to be wrong.” – Sometimes we must choose to be wrong, not because we really are wrong, but because we value our relationship more than our pride.
16. “Thank you for supporting my decisions.” – Don’t listen to those who tell you exactly what to do.  Listen to those special few who encourage you to do what you already know in your heart is right.
17. “Thank you for being loyal, even when we are apart.” – Best friends don’t grow apart, even when they are apart.
18. “Thank you for being there through good times and bad.” – The people who stick by you at your worst, deserve to enjoy being with you at your best.  In fact, the best thing about the toughest days of your life is that you get to see who your true friends really are.  The people truly worthy of “best friend” status are the ones that help you through hard times, and laugh with you after the hard times pass.  
19. “Thank you for knowing that I can’t always be strong.” – Sometimes we must let a friend down because we can’t hold them up.  But “I can’t carry you” doesn’t mean, “I don’t love you.”  It may simply mean, “I’m struggling too.”
20. “Thank you for facing problems with me.” – Best friends are those who make your problems their problems too, just so you don’t have to go through them alone.  Don’t look for someone who will solve all your problems; look for someone who will face them with you.
21. “Thank you for going out of your way for me, even when it’s not convenient.” – You never want to waste your time with someone who only wants you around when it’s convenient for them.  Because that’s not what true friendship is all about.
22. “Thank you for actually wanting to be there for me.” – True friendship is never burdened with stressful promises and obligations.  What best friends do for each other should be done because they care and because they want to do them.  Period.
23. “Thank you for walking the talk.” – When we characterize people by their actions, we are never fooled by their words.  Best friends don’t just talk the talk, they walk it out.
24. “Thank you for believing in me.” – It’s amazing how far you are willing to go when someone believes in you.
25. “Thank you for encouraging me when I stumble.” – Return the favor when you’re able too.  We have enough critics.  Be an encourager.  One sincere word of encouragement after failure is worth more than a day of praise after success.  Be a blessing.  Be a friend.  Encourage someone special.  Take time to care.  Let your words heal, and not wound.
26. “Thank you for using caring words.” – You can measure the happiness of any close relationship by the number of scars that each member carries on their tongues and inner cheeks, formed over many years of biting back angry and insensitive words.
27. “Thank you for accepting me just the way I am.” – A best friend is someone who truly knows you, and loves you just the same.  Don’t change so people will like you.  Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.
28. “Thank you for making me feel comfortable in my skin.” – This is such an important reminder.  Be the type of person who makes everyone you come across feel perfectly OK and comfortable with being exactly who they are.
29. “Thank you for simply enjoying my company.” – Lots of relationships fail because we spend more time pointing out each other’s mistakes and not enough time enjoying each other’s company.
30. “Thank you for valuing my time.” – Anyone who is best friend material will value your time.  Period.  Never waste your time on someone who doesn’t value it.
31. “Thank you for showing me that you are grateful to have me in your life.” – Showing gratitude is one of the simplest yet most powerful things humans can do for each other.
32. “Thank you for supporting me in making myself a priority.” – Remember, putting yourself first does not mean being “selfish” – it means being self-aware.  It means not forgetting to love yourself, too.
33. “Thank you for sincerely loving me.” – Nothing changes the world for the better like one person deciding to love another, no matter what.  Today, invest your love in someone special, and thank those special friends who invest their love in you.
34. “Thank you for helping me love myself more too.” – What you give to another person is really what you give to yourself.  When you treat people you care about with love, you learn that you’re lovable too.
35. “Thank you for all the little things you do that make a big difference.” – Pay attention to the little things, because when you really miss someone, you miss the little things the most, like just laughing together.
36. “Thank you for being patient and forgiving when I step on your toes.” – No matter how honest and kind you try to be, you will occasionally step on the toes of the people closest to you.  And this is precisely why patience and forgiveness are so vital.  Patience is the ability to let your light shine on those you love, even after your fuse has blown.  And forgiveness is knowing deep down that they didn’t mean to blow your fuse in the first place.
37. “Thank you for not holding my unchangeable past against me.” – Sometimes happiness in relationships amounts to making peace with something that can’t be fixed.  Sometimes you let it go, and sometimes you hold it broken.  It amounts to forgiveness in any case.
38. “Thank you for not expecting our relationship to always be easy.” – Healthy relationships don’t just happen; they take time, patience and two people who truly want to work together to create something meaningful and lasting.
39. “Thank you for giving me the solitude and space I need.” – Remember, it’s healthy to spend time alone sometimes.  You need to know how to be alone and not be defined by another person.
40. “And most of all, thank you for being YOU.”

12 Things You Need to Remind Yourself of When You Wake Up

1. Today can be great, but only if you make it so. – Why do we often feel so powerless?  Because we convince ourselves that we are.  We wait for things to be given to us – entitlements.  But in life, there are no true entitlements, and the truth is that if you want something then you need to make it happen for yourself.  You need to work for it.  Whether or not today is a great day doesn’t depend on the weather.  It doesn’t depend on your “mood” (that’s also within your control).  It doesn’t depend on anyone else.  If you want to have a pleasant and productive day then choose to have one.  It’s all about your perception and what you choose to believe and do.
2. There is a lot you CAN control. – There are plenty of things in life that are out of our control, but don’t let this fool you into believing that your life as a whole is out of your control.  The reality is, the life you are living is almost entirely by your own design.  You have made many little choices along the way that led you down the road you’re currently traveling.  Saying that your life is out of your control is a copout – it’s what other people want you to believe so that they have an easier time getting you to do what they want you to do.
3. You do not need anyone’s constant approval. – The need for approval is like an addiction.  If you base all your actions on the approval of others, ultimately you find yourself running in place, sacrificing your own happiness.  Don’t put the key to your happiness in someone else’s pocket.  Learn how to say “no” to people and obligations that do not add value to your life.  Your time on this planet is precious.  As the saying goes, “What you do today is important, because you are exchanging a day of your life for it.”  Don’t wait around for someone else to give you permission to live.
4. Complaining is useless unless you can suggest a solution. – Do not be a constant complainer.  It doesn’t help you and it certainly doesn’t help your relationships.  If you do not like your current situation, work towards changing it, but don’t just sit around complaining about it.  Complaining will only make others nearby not want to be around you.  Be someone that looks at the positive aspects of situations.  And if you do find a problem that needs to be addressed, be someone that suggests a solution.  The bottom line is that you will never get to where you want to be by complaining about where you are now.  Each step in your life is preparing you for the one that comes after it.
5. Success is a lifestyle, not a result. – We all want to achieve success, but we need to remember that success in not a specific achievement.  Success is not crossing over some arbitrary finishing line.  It’s the ability to fight the good fight day in and day out.  Success is strength – the strength to keep pushing and to keep living your life on your own terms.  Success isn’t an end result.  It’s a state of being.  You don’t win success.  You are a success every day.
6. The fact that you haven’t given up is a success in itself. – It may give you little comfort to think about how you’re still waist deep in the struggle, but the truth is you are one of the strong people with the guts to keep at it.  Many people give up before they even begin, but not you.  No, you wake up every day and get things done.  You crawl inch by inch against the current because you refuse to give up.  You refuse to accept mediocrity.  You refuse to listen to others when they tell you that you’re not good enough.  You’re still in it, fighting the good fight.
7. In every tough situation, kindness must be attempted first. – People may make ugly comments.  The airline carrier may lose your baggage.  Another driver may cut you off in rush-hour traffic.  These situations will happen daily.  The question is: How are you going to respond?  Although your first response, like many others, will be to get upset, why not try a different approach?  Anger in these situations never solves problems.  People are far more likely to respond aptly to kindness.  And you can be kind and be firm at the same time.  Get your point across without sacrificing your integrity.  It’s the only response you will not regret later.
8. Bullies and energy vampires are not worth worrying about. – We sometimes allow the wrong people to take up too much space in our heads and hearts.  We meet energy vampires and bullies regularly – especially when we live in a big city or work in a large, cutthroat corporate environment.  These individuals will try to get to you – they will try to influence you and become a part of your life because they find their own life to be mundane.  They already poisoned their own lives and now they are looking to poison yours.  Don’t let them get to you.
9. If someone hurts you, don’t take it personally. – Truth be told, if someone hurts you, chances are, they have been hurt themselves.  So do your best to never take anything too personally.  Don’t let compliments get to your head and don’t let insults get to your heart.  Most people can only give others what they have received themselves.  All your actions and words should come from a place of love, but not everyone will be loving in return, and that’s OK.  As Miguel Ruiz explained in his book The Four Agreements, when you do not take anything personally, you liberate yourself.  You can open yourself to the world, freely, and not have to worry about the judgments of others.
10. Your focused presence matters. – While modern technology can be life-changing in many beneficial ways, there is an aspect of this technology that greatly interferes with our lives and relationships.  Do not be so addicted to a screen that you miss out on the opportunity to enjoy real life unfolding in front of you.  Learn to disconnect.  Learn to slow down.  Give people your full and undivided attention.  Do not seek mindless stimulation on a screen for no reasons, and refocus on nurturing real human connections.
11. Good things in life end too soon when they aren’t appreciated. – This isn’t to say that appreciating what you have when you have it comes naturally – our minds tend to consider the possibility that the grass on the other side is greener.  But we need to mindfully remind ourselves that life isn’t about constantly upgrading things.  To live a happy, fulfilling life we have to learn to appreciate and love what we have.  If you fall in love then do your sincere best to nurture your love.  Don’t wait for things to end before you start appreciating them.
12. Today is a blessing. – Think about how many people die every minute of every day and you’ll begin to realize that waking up in the morning is a blessing.  We don’t live in a world of perpetual peace, but one laden with bouts of chaos.  On top of this, accidents do happen and people get severely injured and die because of them.  Getting another day to breathe, to experience life, and to do something meaningful is the greatest gift one can receive.  Make today count!

12 Quiet Rituals of Enormously Successful Humans

1.  They have calm, consistent morning routines.

Too many books and courses on personal success act like we’re robots, and completely overlook the enormous power of our emotions.  The less frenzied emotions we have at the start of the day, the less we will have all day.  Because when we start the day in a calm, mindful state, it’s easy to focus and get the right things done.

But when we wake up and stress is already upon us – phones ringing, emails and texts dinging, fire alarms going off – you spend the whole day reacting, instead of being proactive.  This means you’re not in the driver’s seat working on your priorities – the things that drive success – you’re simply responding to what gets thrown at you, whether it’s important or not.

Try to have the first hour of your day vary as little as possible.  A trusted routine can be extremely effective in helping you feel in control and non-reactive, which reduces anxiety and stress, and therefore makes you more mindful and competent.  The bottom line is that how you start the day has an enormous effect on your overall effectiveness.

2.  They eliminate all needless busywork.

At some point we all wonder, “Why is it so impossible to get everything done?”  But the answer is stunningly simple: We’re doing too many of the wrong things.

Several research studies have shown that people never get more done by blindly working more hours on everything that comes up.  Instead, they get more done when they follow careful plans that measure and track key priorities and milestones.  So if you want to be more successful and less stressed, don’t ask how to make something more efficient until you’ve first asked, “Do I need to do this at all?”

Simply being able to do something well does not make it the right thing to do.  I think this is one of the most common problems with a lot of time-management advice; too often productivity gurus focus on how to do things quickly, but the vast majority of things people do quickly should not be done at all.

If you think about it, it’s actually kind of ironic that we complain we have so little time, and then we prioritize like time is infinite.  So do your best to focus on what’s truly important, and not much else.

3.  They do what needs to be done, TODAY!

While everyone else is talking about it, successful people are quietly doing it.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: It doesn’t matter if you have a genius IQ and a PhD in Quantum Physics, you can’t change anything or make any sort of real-world progress without taking action.  There’s a huge difference between knowing how to do something and actually doing it.  Knowledge and intelligence are both useless without action.  It’s as simple as that.

Successful people know that a good plan executed today is better than a perfect plan executed someday.  They don’t wait for the “right time” or the “right day” or the “right (impossible) circumstances”, because they know these reactions are based on a fear and nothing more.  They take action here and now, today – because that’s where real progress happens.

4.  They gradually turn life’s obstacles around.

Many of the most iconic novels, songs and inventions of all time were inspired by gut-wrenching pain and heartbreak.  Therefore, the silver lining of these great challenges is that they were the catalyst to the creation of epic masterpieces.

An emerging field of psychology called Post-Traumatic Growth has suggested that many people are able to use their hardships and traumas for substantial creative and intellectual development.  Specifically, researchers have found that trauma can help people grow in the areas of interpersonal relationships, contentment, gratitude, personal strength, and resourcefulness.

When our view of the world as a safe place, or as a certain type of place, has been shattered, we are forced to reboot our perspective on things.  We suddenly have the opportunity to look out to the periphery and see things with a new, fresh set of beginner’s eyes, which is very conducive to personal growth and long-term success. 

5.  They learn by stretching themselves to their limits.

You learn best when you’re stretching yourself beyond your previous level of comfort.

Sure, getting into a routine is great.  “Flow” is great too.  But neither is the best way to learn.  You want to be stretched to the edge of your ability sometimes.  It needs to be hard and uncomfortable.  That’s how your brain grows.  We learn when we’re in our discomfort zone.

When you’re struggling, that’s when you’re growing stronger and smarter.  The more time you spend there, the faster you learn.  It’s better to spend an extremely high quality ten minutes growing, than it is to spend a mediocre hour running in place.  You want to practice at the point where you are on the edge of your ability, stretching yourself over and over again, making mistakes, stumbling, learning from those mistakes and stretching yourself even farther.

6.  They turn to their intuition when making tough decisions.

Intuition is very real and something that is never wise to ignore, because it comes from deep within your subconscious and is derived from your previous life experiences.  If everyone else is telling you “yes” but your gut is telling you otherwise, it’s usually for a good reason.  When faced with difficult decisions, seek out all the information you can find, become as knowledgeable as you possibly can, and then listen to your God-given instincts.

Successful people know that trusting your intuition is equivalent to trusting your true self; and the more you trust your true self, the more control you have of making your goals and dreams come true.

7.  They mindfully focus on the positive.

As Shawn Achor describes in his book The Happiness Advantage, a recent scientific study showed that doctors who are put in a positive mood before making a diagnosis consistently experience significant boosts to their intellectual abilities than doctors in a neutral state, which allows them to make accurate diagnoses almost 20% faster.  The same study then shifted to other vocations and found that optimistic salespeople outsell their pessimistic counterparts by over 50%.  Students primed to feel happy before taking math tests substantially outperform their neutral peers.  So it turns out that our minds are literally hardwired to perform at their best not when they are negative, or even neutral, but when they are positive.

Of course, that’s not to say that successful people never get upset, but your effectiveness in all walks of life will fare better if you’re able to mindfully accept and let go of negative emotions, rather than dwelling on them.  Think a little less about managing your problems and a little more about managing your mindset.  Keep it positive.

8.  They create visual reminders of their long-term goals.

You want to lose weight, but when you’re tired, it’s easy to rationalize that you’ll start exercising and eating right tomorrow.  You want to build a more profitable business, but when you’re caught up in the daily grind, it’s easy to just do what’s familiar instead of what’s required for growth.  You want to nurture your closest relationships, but when you’re busy, it’s easy to rationalize that you really need to work on that client proposal instead.

Few good things come easy, and when the going gets tough we often take the easy way out – even though the easy way takes us the wrong way.

To combat this, successful people create tangible reminders that pull them back from the brink of their weak impulses.  A friend of ours who has paid off almost $100K of debt in the past five years has a copy of his credit card balance taped to his computer monitor; it serves as a constant reminder of the debt he wants to pay off.  Another friend keeps a photo of herself when she was 90 pounds heavier on her refrigerator as a reminder of the person she never wants to be again.  And another fills his desk with family photos, both because he loves looking at them and because, when work gets really tough, these photos remind him of the people he is ultimately working for.

Think of moments when you are most likely to give in to impulses that take you farther away from your ultimate goals.  Then use visual reminders of those goals to interrupt the impulse and keep you on track.

9.  They keep some kind of personal notebook.

Oprah keeps a journal.  Eminem keeps a journal.  J.K. Rowling keeps a journal.

Successful people track their progress, set goals, reflect, and learn from their mistakes.  And they often use some kind notebook to accomplish this.  If you want to get somewhere in life, you need a map, and this notebook is that map.  You can write down what you did today, what you tried to accomplish, where you made mistakes, and so forth.  It’s a place to reflect.  It’s a place to capture important thoughts.  It’s a place to be able to track where you’ve been and where you intend to go.  It’s one of the most underused, yet incredibly effective tools available to the masses.

10.  They have mentors they observe and consult with.

Regardless of what you’re trying to achieve, you cannot do it alone.  It can be hard to learn from books.  And sometimes the Internet makes it difficult to separate truth from fiction.  You need someone who has been where you want to go to show you the ropes – your own personal mentor or coach.

Yes, 10,000 hours of diligent practice can make you an expert, but what makes you dedicate 10,000 hours to something in the first place?  The answer is having a great mentor or two.  If you study the lives of enough successful people, it becomes obvious that most world-class performers in all fields – athletes, musicians, entrepreneurs, artists, etc. – had incredible mentors, coaches or role models who made the activity of practice worthwhile and rewarding.

And sometimes just observing a mentor works wonders too.  When we observe someone we want to learn from and we have a crystal clear idea of what we want to create for ourselves, it unlocks a tremendous amount of motivation.  Human beings are socially inclined, and when we get the idea that we want to join some elite circle up above us, that is what really motivates us to achieve greatness.  “Look, they did it.  I can do it too!”  It may sound overly simplistic, but spending time studying people who are great can be one of the most powerful things you can do for yourself.

11.  They welcome honest feedback and criticism.

“To avoid criticism say nothing, do nothing, be nothing.”  That’s what Aristotle said.  And obviously, he was being facetious.

If you are being criticized for doing, saying or thinking something that’s out of the ordinary.  Good.  That means you’ve taken a stand for something sometime in your life recently.  And that’s a huge part of being successful.

Follow in the footsteps of enormously successful people by learning to effectively process the criticism you receive.  Hateful and negative criticism should be received, assessed, and then let go, while constructive criticism should be evaluated and acted upon.  Solicit feedback from people whose opinions you value – people who have been where you want to go.  And remember to be gracious when receiving feedback; when you are, all the people around you will be more likely to give you their support and honest insight in the future.

12. They keep their pride in check.

Last but not least…

To admit they made a mistake.  To say they are sorry.  To know that they can’t possibly know it all.  To have big dreams. To admit they owe their success to others too.  To poke fun at themselves from time to time.  To ask for help when they need it.

To make mistakes and fail.  And to try again, willingly.

There are no permanent jobs or absolutes on this planet.  We are all just interning and exploring here.  Learn from everyone, remain humble, and don’t forget to have a good time along the way.

That’s what successful people do.

23 Things People Who Love Their Lives Are Doing Differently

1. They flow with life, not against it. – When everything in life seems to be going wrong, mostly it’s meant to go wrong so that you may outgrow the things you need to outgrow.  Keep this in mind.  Life may wreck your plans when your plans are about to wreck you.  For everything you’ve lost, you’ve gained something else.  You don’t have to accept it; it’s just easier if you do.  When you try to control too much, you enjoy too little.  Sometimes you simply need to take a deep breath and appreciate what is.
2. They let go of self-defeating thoughts. – Breath by breath, let go of fear, expectation, anger, regret and frustration.  Let go of the need for approval too.  You don’t need any of it.  The world is as we are inside.  What we think, we see, and we ultimately become.  So choose your thoughts wisely.  Think how you want to live.
3. They prove themselves to themselves, not others. – If you find yourself constantly trying to prove your worth to someone else, you’ve already forgotten your value.  Don’t do this to yourself.
4. They believe in the possibilities ahead. – You are a victim of the beliefs you live by.  And a belief is not merely an idea the mind possesses, it is an idea that possesses the mind.  So believe in yourself.  Believe in your capacity to succeed.  Believe that there are many roads to what’s right.  Believe in your intuition, especially when you have to choose between two good paths.  Believe that the answers are out there waiting.  Believe that life will surprise you again and again.  Believe that the journey is the destination.  Believe that it’s all worth your while.
5. They find the positive in every situation.– The most underrated trait of all successful people I’ve ever met: Positivity.  Your attitude directly determines how well you live your life.
6. They appreciate what they have. – Every now and then it’s good to pause in your pursuit of happiness, look around, and simply be happy for what you already have in your life.
7. They nurture their own inner peace. – In the midst of movement and chaos, keep stillness inside of you.  Take a few deep breaths, a relaxing walk, or a moment to meditate.  When you find peace within, you who can live at peace in any situation.
8. They find the courage to be real. – It takes courage to grow up, grow wiser, and turn out to be who you really are.  Find the courage to own your story.  To speak your truth.  To ask for what you need.  To set boundaries.  And to reach out for love and support when you need it.
9. They maintain high personal standards based on strong values. – Goals are important but they are temporary.  Values on the other hand are forever.  Raise your standards by taking a values-driven, not just a goal-focused, approach to life.
10. They walk the talk and always set a great example. – Be the change you want to see.Give what you expect, reflect what you desire, become what you respect, and mirror what you admire.
11. They help themselves by helping others.– We all die.  The goal isn’t to live forever; the goal is to create something that will… an idea or gesture that helps others live better.  Strong people stand up for themselves; stronger people stand up for others too.  Remember this next time you feel like flexing your muscles.
12. They use self-reflection as a tool to keep things in perspective. – Never forget where you’ve been, lose sight of where you’re going, or take for granted the people who travel the journey with you.
13. They make their important relationships a daily priority. – An incredible thing happens when you pay close attention.  It’s by participating more in your relationships that you breathe life into them.
14. They accept that not all relationships are meant to last. – This is a harsh truth.  And what we do with our pain is nearly everything.  To punish people for not loving us is a heartbreaking, broken sort of justice.  It just doesn’t work out for anyone.  So let the wrong ones go, willingly.  Ultimately, you will meet two kinds of people in life: those who build you up and those who tear you down.  In the end, though, you will thank them both.  Because the wrong relationships eventually lead to the right ones.
15. They leave the past behind. – Don’t let the past steal your present.  Your past has not defined, deterred, or defeated you.  It has only strengthened who you are today.  Every time you are tempted to react in the same old way, ask yourself if you want to be a prisoner of the past or a pioneer of the future.
16. They make every day count. – What you do daily matters more than what you do every once in awhile.  Your life will not improve unless you start making daily improvements.  It’s not about being the smartest, it’s about making the smartest decision. It’s not about being right, it’s about doing the right things.
17. They do the work. – The near-term cost of discipline is always less than the long-term cost of lack of discipline.  At some point you have to stop wishing for it and start working for it.
18. They focus on effectiveness, not busyness. – The great paradox of our time is that many of us are busy and bored at the same time.  Busyness and effectiveness are two different things.
19. They get uncomfortable. – You can’t learn, grow and succeed until you get comfortable with being uncomfortable.  The best wins in life often come only after you dare to lose.
20. They break-up their routines to seek new insight. – You will often see what is wrong when you are doing it right.  But you will rarely see what is right when you are comfortably in the routine of doing it wrong.  If you want a new tomorrow, then make new choices today.  Mix it up!  Sometimes a break from your routine is the very thing you need.
21. They take action in spite of their fears. – Dreading is often far worse than just doing the thing.  Dread rehearses a scenario over and over without progress and success ever showing up.  So just do it already!  Stand strong.  Do what you fear, and fear disappears.  Let your dreams be bigger than your fears and your actions speak louder than your words.
22. They use change as an opportunity to grow. – Life is change, but growth is optional.  Choose wisely.  To be a success in life you don’t have to be perfect, you just have to remain perfectly capable of improving.  Let your mistakes, and life’s twists and turns, strengthen you.  Growth and change may be painful sometimes, but nothing in life is as painful as staying stuck where you don’t belong.
23. They always give themselves another chance. – Sometimes the bad things that happen in your life put you on a direct path to the best possible things that could ever happen to you.  You just have to give yourself another chance to get there.